I didn't know he was a miracle

 August 28th, 2017 This morning, I watched my baby boy facilitate a race between Mater and Lightning McQueen on the kitchen floor.  As Mater took the lead, Lincoln looked up at me with his huge smile and charming little dimples and said, “Mater go fast, momma!”  I smiled, and then my eyes filled with tears.

Today, this remarkable little boy turns two years old. My momma’s heart is so full, so grateful, so overwhelmed with gratitude for this child, I cannot help but cry tears of joy.  He is my baby.  The baby I never knew if I would get.  And here he is racing cars around the kitchen floor, filling my every day with adventure.

After experiencing multiple losses before I was pregnant with Lincoln, I feared my entire pregnancy that I might never really get to hold my sweet baby.  Yet here he is.  I knew the moment he came into the world that he was the greatest blessing I could ever receive.  I knew that the creation of life was a miracle in itself.  What I didn’t know was that this boy, and the fact that my body grew him amidst the challenges and complications, was a true miracle.  I have continued to experience pregnancy loss after Lincoln, and each pregnancy has become more and more complicated, and has left me feeling more and more unsure if I will be able to give Lincoln a biological sibling.  

Yet in the moments that I am saddened and afraid by that thought, I am overwhelmed again with thanks and left in awe, because Lincoln is my child.  I carried him and birthed him and have been blessed to love him fully for two beautiful years.  I didn’t always know he was a miracle. But today I know, and I am so grateful.